The following blog post is based on the assumption that we will have at least two good embryos for transfer or freezing. This could all be for nothing, but it's still good to think about and discuss. :)
So, Aaron and I had a long discussion this weekend. A discussion we hadn't yet had. I had an
inkling on his opinion on the matter, but I didn't actually hear the words.
But as of yesterday, I know how he feels.
Dr. Weckstein gave us the following statistics:
- If we transfer only one embryos, we have roughly a 50% chance of getting pregnant.
- If we transfer two embryos, we have roughly a 60% chance of getting pregnant. And within that 60%...there is a 30% chance we'd get pregnant with one and a 30% chance we'd get pregnant with twins.
Twins!
When I think of having twins, no fear arises. I mean, sure, being pregnant with twins seems overwhelming, especially with a 4-year old, and then actually RAISING twins, from birth on, seems double the trouble. But, in my eyes, with the double trouble comes the double reward.
Aaron's view is entirely different.
He's worried about finances, which is obviously a main concern of parents with twins. Double the cost! Double the food, double the clothes, double the diapers, double the formula, double EVERYTHING!
I explained to him that the only "double" that would be financially strapping in the first few years would be the formula and diapers. I have told him before that I plan on buying lightly used everything for our next child. With Ella, other than the crib donated to us, we bought everything new. And, if you've had a baby, you know how quickly they grow out of their jumper seat, their swing, their walker, their playpen, their clothes, etc. We've kept a lot of things, in fact, but now that I have experienced how quickly babies do go through things, I'm completely willing to hit up garage sales or CraigsList. We could get two lightly used things for less than the price of one brand new.
His other concern was that it would break our marriage apart. When I was on
Clomid, Aaron would always joke that if we had twins, he'd take Ella and leave and the divorce papers would be in the mail. We would just laugh together about it. But, yesterday, he explained that he really does believe having twins would just not be worth it to him. We'd be so exhausted all the time, we'd be at each other's throats and we'd have no time for us!
Being a parent of even one newborn leaves us feeling those ways, though. Having a baby, period, is exhausting. Frustrations sometimes flare and our only identity and role are that of Mommy and Daddy.
But...we got through over two years of trying to conceive and our marriage is even stronger. I told him that, sure, this walk with infertility has been hard, to say the least, but we did it! We got through it! Love conquers all. He, of all people, knows that hard work pays off, and I truly believe if blessed with twins, yes, he's right on all his worries and concerns, but what he doesn't realize is that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. We could get through it. And we would!
But, regardless of my counterarguments (if you wish to call them that), he would still like to only transfer one.
He, of course, hasn't made up his mind, and come time to transfer the one or two embryos, he may have a change of heart. Dr. Weckstein had told us that if we have one high quality embryo, he would recommend just transferring one, but if we have two that are good, but not the best, he would recommend transferring two. (Embryos have a grading system that I don't quite understand).
Anyway, Aaron and I are still soaking things in separately, weighing in all angles. We agreed to talk about things again in a few weeks. I just didn't want to get the call from Dr. Weckstein the night before the transfer and he says, "Okay, we've got some good ones ready for transfer. It's up to you on if you want to transfer one or two." I don't want to have this discussion that night, when my emotions and stress are running high. (It's a lot easier to talk to me when I'm not in those moods. LOL!).
My opinion is that there is a 10% more chance of getting pregnant if we transfer two, regardless of we end up with one or two thriving babies. 10% is huge, in my eyes, given the statistic that a healthy, fertile couple has a 25% chance of conceiving any given month.
I'm also afraid that if we only transfer one and it doesn't work, that I'll always wonder. What if? What if we transferred two, would I be pregnant?
But, again, I'm also afraid that we'll transfer two and we'll end up with twins, and my darling husband will be one of those guys that faints when the ultrasound reveals two little peanuts. I'm afraid twins may be too much for him.
I try to reassure him that perhaps things have unfolded the way they have for this very reason. Perhaps the cards didn't play out for us to find out about his sperm morphology problem until we'd been trying to conceive for over two years because if we found out a year ago, I'm sure we would've attempted IVF soon thereafter, and twins with Ella being younger would've been too much for not only us, but Ella! Perhaps we needed these two years to allow Ella to grow up more because twins may be a part of God's plan.
Aaron thinks that I'm trying to play God. He thinks I'm trying to control how many kids we have. He thinks I'm being greedy. Yes, he used that word, but that's okay. Maybe I am being a little greedy? But, God is still in complete control, and of that I am completely certain. We can transfer ten embryos and still not get pregnant, if that is God's will. I know God is pushing us to do IVF. I feel in my heart that this is what He wants us to do and I'm confident in this big step we're about to take. I'm also confident that His will will be done, no matter how many embryos we transfer and no matter if it brings us zero, one or two babies.
So, with all this said, Aaron and I are in debate on how many embryos to transfer. I know this discussion is very premature, seeing as how we haven't even started our IVF cycle, but it's good to lay it all out, soak it all in, respect each other's opinions and listen to each other. If there is one thing I've learned in over five years of marriage is that compromise is so necessary. Too bad we couldn't transfer 1-1/2 embryos! LOL! :)
For all my lovely readers who have gone through IVF, how did you and your husband come to the decision on how many to transfer?
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